Congrats to Prez, where's my ex, and more...

We watched the inauguration in the library yesterday and later went to L's friend's to watch the parade and congressional lunch. It got a little tepid for someone as self centered as I tend to be, but it was pretty incredible. Incredible to think that only 30 years before even, or in some parts of the south that I am from, black people still can't eat or stop in certain towns without a fear of being freaking hung from a cypress, for real.
And yet there is obama with his sexy self. His incredible intelligence is the real turn on. A black nerd, who happens to be pretty hot, is our president. God bless.

So I had just googled my exhusband's old girlfriend that, in some ways, I was more obsessed with than him. And just for the hell of it, I googled Rick. It seems he's moved to South Carolina!!! Wow. I mean, there is an email address for him. I could write him. But why? Why do I always have the compulsion to start shit that shouldn't be there, I mean, come on now. What the fuck would I even tell him?
Hey,
how are you?
did you tell anyone you're gay yet?
Have you moved to SC with your boyfriend, or partner, or new soulmate for life?

And then:
yes, I still drink, but no, nothing like I used to.
Hey, I recently had a miscarriage.
I have fucked um....way too many people since I saw you last, and I am not sorry for most of them.
I am in love with an amazing man who makes my fingers tingle, even if things aren't always perfect.
I am homeless.
I haven't seen my family in about as much time as I have seen you.

I hope you are happy, and I am sorry for all the trouble I have caused you.

me.

-----
that's about it ( i am listening to this amazing song by will kimbrough called goodnight moon)

oh
except Darrell.
he was at the micah center this morning when i walked in with L. He called me out and told me I was on some bullshit, and L was behind me and said no she's not, and then D called him an N and asked if they had to go outside???

then later, as we ignored him, he came back to the kitchen while we were eating scrambled eggs and grits and toast and cheese and fruit, (yummy) and starting talking to this other chick, like at the table right in front of us with his back to us, so we HAD to see him.

whatever. I didn't say another word to him. I should have called him out for the whole sabotaging my tent and shit, since we are pretty much living out of L's car now that Maryann went nuts and kicked us out (and we don't want to go back either, i think she would let me come back with out L, which of course will never happen, so i am scared to think of how my baby has been doing (zowie, i mean).

more later.