So how much should I reverse ? lol

I am not homeless...
and now I have a job
and now I am sleepy.
I guess I used to write here because I didn't have my own paper even.
Now I am leading a more bored (READ) tired
life. But the babies in my care are beautiful.
and now I live with my dear sister, Annette.
She might annoy me at times, but she loves me unconditionally,
she takes care of me...she might be the person I was supposed to have in my life all along...
all those years...

No, she is not a black man, and I don't see one coming to my aid anytime soon.
But she is one of the most generous people I know.
I think she is unappreciated.
Her whole life, she has no idea how much I have loved her.

Who knows...we might repeat history...
our twin aunts lived in our very same house lol.
We will never be as dependent on each other
but maybe a little dependence isn't as bad as I used to think it was.

Here is a celebration for Annette. And here is a mourning lol.
I miss you, big black sexy men..please tell me you are still around.

LOL

Jakky and Bees

I am watching The Secret lives of bees. After watching a Family that prays. I have a boy here, named Jakky, But he is a man from Nigeria. Sex three times.
Already saying I love you but don't get too attached to me. I will be-lieving soon.

my big strong brother from iraq is visiting.
and my new baby boy nephew is delicious
--I write more in my paper journal
because i know that lamont won't come here no more to look.
not that he ever even knew about this bloggy place lol.
no one does, really.

one day i want him to read it.

F*k lamont

i knew it would happen, baby. this is the email i can't send you because i am going to be a good girl. i fucking want to hate you so bad. so you met another girl. i knew you would. i knew you would. how long did it take you? the only reason i am dealing with ... is because i thought i had to find someone else first before you did....and youre like oh did you sleep with him and im like oh noooo and im like did you kiss her and your like baby i didn't fuck her and you know how much i love kissing...

well fuck you
i did fuck him already

i hurt again and again
over and over and over

even if this new person thinks i am beautiful
and is not white
lol
and has a thick dick

its not your tongue
anymore
and you
i guess are okay with this.
and i,
i'm not.

god i loved you
i am so selfish i didn't want you with anyone else. does that qualify me as crazy?
and she has a KID? some beautiful black two year old baby boy?
how can i not hurt over this.
it seeps through my pores.

lamont.

i wanted you so bad

forever i wanted you
i hate this
it hurts.