happy after christmas

Yeah. I didn't make it home this year...maybe after the new year? Our little stint with Maryanne is definitely over...spent christmas in motel six, free for three days. I can't complain. When I say WE, by the way, well, yeah I guess you could say there may be a we, well, there is a we in my present right now. Lamont.
He's still here. Wow. No, I haven't fucked anyone else but him, since I started fucking him. I haven't seen Antoine in about a week. He's still talking about how he wants to be with me and he has dreams of making love to me, but...I have let him go. Well, I am trying to. Yes, I think I have shot myself in the foot, no question.
I did the thing I am never supposed to do. I love him.
Why?
Because, I trust him. Because what else is there to say? He looks after me. He challenges me to tell him when I am angry or frustrated. I can have the most comfortable silences with him. I can fuck him in the middle of the night or in the morning without a thought to brushing my teeth. He's not afraid to take me anywhere or include me in anything. He is comfortable pooling our resources together. He never puts me down, about what a loser I am right now. There is the mention of a future, the hint of one.

Now granted, there is still Robyn to deal with. Robyn who is telling him in front of me that she is in love with him. But he hasn't fucked her. I have told him, I respect what we already have enough that when the time comes you want to fuck anyone else, it is time for me to step off. And he just said, well I hope that won't be without a fight. :)
I can't just out and say that I am in love with him right now, but he already knows it.

So again the lesson here is how not to get caught up in a person, in how to really try to pick up the side pieces now that there is a person who halfway cares, and who is attempting to do the same thing. Also, my writing wants to bust out and through and open. I need to be writing, really writing again. It is truly an allergy that, when not dealt with, gets really out of hand.

Well, I managed to write this entire post without him looking over my shoulder once (I told him that I had a blog online that no one knows about and that has a lot of stuff about him in it).