yeah, yeah, yeah....

whatever...i am soooooooooooooo much worse off now than i was before!!!
lamont got kicked out of maryannes and neither one of us are supposed to be sleeping there anymore, but she let me last night because i didn't know where he was..the night before we slept in his car. its like, i know he's not responsible for me or anything, but we still keep hanging together, but there is still robyn and basically i am like a fucking hangnail for every single person i know right now. i found out i think i might be able to get a bus ticket home without any real id as long as i have a password and serial number or whatever.

what do i feel about lamont? who knows. who cares.
today he knew i was upset about last night but its not like he really wants to hang around that house you know? he was in the tent with me until it started to rain and then we went to his car for the rest of the night.

darrell said he was coming to micah on tuesday again and of course he didn't...i don't even know when i'll ever see him again. if i do go to tennessee, where am i going to come back too? i have to get my tent and stuff though, don't i? i don't even have antoine. lamont just feels bad for me and likes my pussy (and mine is the only constant pussy he's had in a while, why mess with that, right?? heh)

i'm fucking scared. and i want to get nailed and drunk sooooo bad right now, tonight. i swear if someone gave me the opportunity, i would totally go for it...where is that random guy who asked me if i drank vodka that one night? if twan hadn't been there, i totally would have went for it. i am listening to "love lockdown" by kayne west right now. you know, i never even talk about drinking a lot on here...i talk loads more about sex. heheh

that;'s because i don't really drink a whole lot. today lamont came over with a forty and shared it with me while we watched csi and he took a nap. nothing nasty, but he rubbed my leg for a while and kissed me. its all out of comfort with him, though. he's nowhere near being in love with me for real. i think he cares for me, you know, and he feels very comfortable with me, and he definitely knows i like him. he thinks i am a "sweetheart". ugh. that's almost as bad as, your a great friend. :) so then he left earlier, saying he was going to be back and i waited and waited and figured, why get depressed over no one.

my weird little library friend is gone. the one that hit me. heh. he was nice looking, but what a psycho. besides, as much as i hate to say it, i don't need to be adding any new sexual partners to my reprotoire...or however you spell it.

it was bad enough that i actually started giving tommy a blow job in the damn hospital the other day. shit. when will i stop? is this truly my life?

listening now to i love, you love by john legend. oh to have music and some alcohol and a naked body, for REAL... sheesh.
i don't know where i will sleep tomorrow or even if i will get to see him anymore tonight, but i will tell you what, he can get awfully freaky in a car. :)