here we go again...

Well, it's Monday. Again. And Twan is still locked up. And I have still been staying over at Marryanne's house with Mike and the baby and LaMonte. And, last night is the first night I did not sleep with Lamonte since last Thursday. And he is trying to confuse me, so I am not going to let him. There is this woman, about 52, named Robyn, who met Lamonte because her former fiance was best friends with Mike. The fiance died about five months ago. Now Robyn calls Lamonte all the time! And he jumps whenever she calls, but as he so politely and correctly told marryanne today, he also jumps for her, as well. It's like, I can't really figure out the deal. She is tall and willowy, very dramatic and semi intimidating, very bossy, very different from Lamonte. Yet they seem to be woing each other in some strange way. He hasn't fucked her as much as i know. She is one of those people whom you couldn't really imagine fucking anyone. Although, I do know, once Lamonte gets his hands on her it will be all over. It was okay for Mike and marryanne to know about Lamonte and I, or at least guess about us, as long as we pretended we weren't doing anything....denial can go far. But just yesterday, AFTER I had just told him the night before that I was going to have to learn not to like him too much (to which he did that cute giggle-laugh and said, oh well, will you let me know? and i said, okay, well, its already getting hard not too, and he kissed my nose and fucked my brains out), he decides to lay his head in my lap most of the afternoon yesterday, BEFORE bringing robyn over last night for a while...on COME ON! last night we stayed at the homeless shelter again and he and i watched shawshank redemption. i was one of the only girls there so of course dudes are going to try to say something to me. The one kid was really young...lamonte kept leaning over and whispering...that kid likes you, to which I replied shut up...once when the kid sat down he ran his hand over my knee and said, what are you going to come visit my cot tonight?
whatever.

so as usual. i am letting male attachment(s) and books drift my life along, even though i am pretty much about as bad off as i have ever been.
D is desparate to see me again, still lying about the old man, whom i really do want to meet by the way. i am so ready to go there, also to get rid of lamonte quickly before i really do start to feel SOMEthing. if only he didn't fucking fuck me so good! if only he didn't like to pat my ass, run his fingers over me, suck my nipples....if only he didn't make that amazing sound when he was coming, if only he wouldn't eat me out for at least 30 minutes or more....damn. and i like him because (damn if i wasn't even talking to robyn herself about this yesterday) because lamonte is the kind of man who will back down from any kind of fight or drama unless it is absolutely necessary.

I miss my boy, though. there was a dude who has offered to take me to see him in hanover, but he's a little weird and i don't know if i trust being with him alone or not for a trip like that. i didn't even call judy yesterday. i will talk to her later today maybe. i don't think i will be seeing Darrell today abut i will at least call him before he gets off of work. lamonte is taking maryanne to a doctors appointment and mike has the baby so i didn't want to just assume that i would be over hanging out at maryanne's house which is why i skipped on over here. but lamonte said he would come over here after he got mary home from her appointment....and i didn't even ask him too!!!!!

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN>
i still haven't called angel in north carolina, but i really need too, and i really wish i could find someone who wanted to buy all of my foodstamps and i really want to get tims number and call him to see if we can still go to daytona together...huh? should i do that?