This is one of my favorite images in the whole universe. It's not like I really have a way to put pics up here or anything, but that's okay as I hate my own pictures anyway.

Although I have quite a few of Twan I could post :).
Speaking of the tall skinny black anomaly, he is currently with his "ex" 46 year old girlfriend, Judy, trying to get his SS check, but apparantly it didn't go into her account like it was supposed to. I told him today was a trial run for me. I mean we are supposed to be sticking it out with each other and staying together and such, but I really can't handle his feelings for her anymore. He is 36 years old. No, I am not jealous, no I am not psycho.

But don't ask for pussy everyday and tell me how much you love me and then talk to her incessantly. I am not falling back in love with him. In fact I have no idea what I am still doing with him. I have no business being with him, at ALL!!

My life is so insanely different from what it used to be! Where are my friends? Where are children? Where are my books, my own poetry that I was compelled to write addictively, no matter how much it sucked?

I called D today from the Micah center and of course he is crazy to see me tomorrow. On one hand I guess I should feel bad on account of Twan, but on the other hand is it that much different from the way he treats me? I spent 9 fucking hours waiting for his ass underneath the train station...it was insane. I do have places to go without him...places where I wouldn't have to be homeless. So why do I insist on sticking around? I know, i FEEL he is going to be back together with Judy, whether or not he does, and I do think he does.

Once again, my snobbish bitchy self can't believe that I fell in love with someone who really even isn't that bright at all...for real. seriously. That is why i love the fact that today i have created my own anonymous blog that no one but me will read and i can be as snobby and bitchy as i want to be on here and no one will know how in real life i am in a pretty pathetic state of mind. :)

I love to have sex but i am not a whore, at least not yet. i never know how much i loved to have sex in the first place until my marriage was over and i realized my ex husband was probably gay, and that although i was basically born white trash, i am more attracted to big black men then i am anyone else, although not a lot of them like to spend their hours reading books of poetry in the library.

my new homeless life is so fucking self indulgent and pathetic. for real. although i am one of those stupid when who, when a man says, baby can you go make me a sandwich? i jump in two seconds. :) not because i have to, but because i LIKE too....heh. oh well. enough for this first day. we'll see if i really continue this....